I am experiencing the fragility of life, and I do not like it. The thought of losing loved ones is hard enough but walking by their side as they come to terms with reality, is difficult. Watching them look around their beloved home, knowing a move may be coming sooner than later, is a hard tug on the heartstrings.
The next chapter is coming, and it may be the last one.
The positive side is knowing the last chapter can be another ten or twenty years. Or is that the stubborn side?
I remember when my grandma was on her last days, and I did not want to acknowledge it. She was still active—bowling—into her eighties. She kept pushing through until life told her it was time for her to rest.
I can see that same struggle in my highly active eighty-three-year-old mom. It breaks my heart. She will also push through until it is her time. But I can also see the sadness as she reflects on the changes coming.
This is the part of life that sucks. On one end, I have two beautiful grandchildren blossoming with endless opportunities in life. On the other side, is my beloved parents (my stepdad is ninety) who are slowing down.
I hate it, it breaks my heart. I want to pull on that cloak of stubbornness and deny what I am seeing. But I did that already. Although I spent many days with my grandma, there were so many things I wish we had talked about.
So, as I am sitting here in my hotel room, struggling with the events of the past few days, I am going to try my hardest to be present. I want to soak up every moment. I am blessed to have my mom in my life and I am blessed to have a second dad, after my dad past away when I was thirty-five.
I have learned a lot about myself. In the past, as the oldest child, I would have tried to round up the family and work to get fences mended. Not so much now. People must decide for themselves if they can live with the choices they have made—it is not up to me. It is their choice if they would rather stand in the waste of their stubborn views and suffocate in negativity or set their pride aside and embrace the fragility of life.
We only get one lifetime to share with people. We only get a limited number of years—and chances—to make amends. It is our choice to make, and our choice to accept the consequences of our choices.
The fragility of life will always exist. Stubbornness is our choice to bear.